So many things had happened in the past few weeks, it was like a whirlwind of drama, tears, confusion and guilt. Not forgetting to throw in a little of sorrow and happiness. There was that issue with li ching. I really didn't handle it well enough or rather, i was really disappointed with the way i handled. I really disappointed god, i know that he was displeased with me. *sigh..I don't want to go any more into detail about the entire freaking matter. It was already settled. If people don't like me, what the heck, too bad for them. It's not entirely their fault that the person they know now in school is not really who she really is, I just couldn't really bring myself out into the open. I'm afraid of the hurt, anguish and unacceptance of others. So, I retreat furthur and furthur into this shell.
I am the most alive around my housemates, my high school buddies and also my family. In their presence, there is no pretence, no lies, no masks, only acceptance for who i am, only a haven where i can relax and be free. lolx, i'm totally emo-ing right now. oh well...anyway, liyen and god really helped me through the whole li ching matter. I was really shocked and flabbergasted at the way i handled myself and the whole matter. After having a good talk with god and also with liyen, i felt much better (this is the first time i cried while telling liyen my probs, liyen , if ur reading this, luv u so so much for being there for me, hugz 2 u my dearest buddy:))
As i was saying, i was determined to do better, both as a person and also as a student. I have to, don't i? I got back my results for both my legal tests...they stink like sewage!! I was really at a lost..is my parents' money just goin down the drain just like that? The road down disappointment and expectations not met..I'm dragging myself down that path by very own procrastinating hands.
I HAVE TO DO BETTER...THE BEST!!
my grandma passed on last saturday. It came as a shock but mentally i already knew that sooner or later, she's going. So, there wasn't much grief on my part since i wasn't close to her to begin with. I was more worried about my dad and how he's taking it. I was also worried bout my mum , yang and yi. I was really angry at all the relatives at my dad's side. He was he only 1 to stay at the parlour the whole night during the first day. I was especialy pissed at my uncle and his family. I mean, he didn;t help out at all in taking care of my grandma whie she was alive and yet, he tried to call the shots duing the funeral. I know that being a christian and all, he and his family can't take part in the ceremony and all. I mean, i was feeling really uncomfortable but i've already asked for god's forgiveness After all, i don't want 2 add to my dad's problems by not helping out. To sum it all up, i was glad that the funeral thingy only took 3 days. Thank goodness that all my aunts and uncle helped out financially thought i felt that they should have shelled out more, especially my uncle. Talking about it will only make me feel more depressed.
well, now that i've finished my bakchang that crystel brought up with her(it was really nice, minus the nuts), it's high time i get down to my work. that's all for today...
ps. my favourite aunt, uncle n cousins will be back today..omg, can't wait to see them again:))))
pss.crystel's back now...one more day and everybody will be back..
with love and vanilla ice cream , yuwen
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